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As an extrovert I gain energy from being around others. My husband, on the other hand, is an introvert, so early in our marriage these differences created some hurdles. We negotiated our social schedule, and found a plan that worked for both of us. What I neglected to see at that time was even extroverts need to build margin into their lives. Without margin we are likely to find more stress and anxiety, so our wellbeing suffers.
Margin comes from plenty of blank space, both literally and metaphorically. Our physical and emotional space (or lack there of) impacts how we respond to the unexpected events that will inevitably come our way. I’ve heard margin described as “the space that separates us from our limits”. When we give ourselves room to breathe the world becomes a much healthier place.
Change our perspective:
We need to stop wearing busyness like a badge of honor! How often have we or a friend answered the question, “How are you?” with something to the effect of “I am crazy busy and don’t have enough time in the day!” If we change our focus from doing to-do lists to being and becoming we will be healthier, happier, and more impactful. More on to-do lists here.
“The most important thing in your life is not what you do; it’s who you become. That’s what you will take into eternity.”
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Set Boundaries and Say No:
Margin is a choice, and in order to make that choice we need to learn to say no. “He who talks most loses.” I’m not sure where I heard that, but it applies successfully to saying no; the less said the better. If we feel compelled to give an explanation, keep it brief. For example, "I'm sorry I can't right now, but I’ll let you know if that changes." or "I appreciate your asking, but I'm stretched too thin right now to devote the time to be of quality help." Finally, responding with a question, can be highly effective. Let's say a supervisor is asking us to take on more than we can handle. We might try, "I'm happy to do X, Y, and Z; however, I would need three weeks, rather than two, to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"
What to say no to:
In order to identify our priorities so that we know when to say yes, we need to take time to identify our purpose. I have used the acronym EFFECTIVE. Each letter stands for something that is meaningful to me. For example, the “V” is for value-based decisions vs. fear-based decisions. With this lens I ask myself, “Am I taking the high road, the narrow road, and the often scary road with eternity in mind or am I avoiding meaningful life-giving risks out of fear?” The questions that I have attached to each letter help guide my decisions so that I focus on the important instead of getting caught up in the tyranny of the urgent.
practical Ways To Add Margin:
Here are some suggestions for breaking the cycle of busy, and creating an adventurous, connected joy-filled life through building margin.
Tip 1: Schedule Time Between Activities. For example, arrive places early.
Tip 2: Create a Morning Routine. The morning sets the tone for the day.
Tip 3: Stick to Three Priorities a Day. Ask, “If I can only get three things done today…?”
Tip 4: Tame Errands. Batch and eliminate errands while using routines and rituals.
Tip 5: Identify Time Eaters. Limit social media and busy work.
Tip 6: Organize with 20% Empty Space. Start purging closets, cupboards etc.
Tip 7: Analyze Noise and Its Impact. At times, listen to classical music, nature sounds, or silence.
Tip 8: Find Energizers. Certain activities increase energy, and make us feel like we have more time.
Tip 9: Check Assumptions: Will the world end if I no longer own this responsibility?!?
Tip 10: Let It Go: Can I control it? Should I control it? Let go. Let God! Repeat.
I cannot function without margin. When I push myself right up to capacity I become anxious, cranky, and can’t think straight. My health benefits from explicitly creating more margin in my life. How about you?
“Am I being productive or just active? Am I inventing things to do to avoid the important?”
What do you do to create margin?
Wendy Dellis is a certified wellness coach. She joins years of training and work in the area of behavior change, experience as a fitness instructor and run club coordinator with a passion for adventure and people. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jay, and two sons.
The information contained on this page is for general information purposes only. Nothing here should be construed as medical or healthcare advice, but only topics for discussion. No physician-patient relationship exists; please consult your physician before making changes in diet or lifestyle.