First picture we got of our son, Stefan. 1996 Romania.

We adopted our first son, Stefan, when he was almost four. Bedtime started out a little rocky; we’d read a story, pray and kiss him good night, and then 10 minutes later he’d show up full of smiles and giggles. We’d put him back to bed, and he’d show back up. Speaking different languages added to the challenge of the situation, but we made it pretty clear that this was not a game we wanted to play, and yet he persisted. So what did two parents both trained in “behavior change” do?! We tried getting sterner, but soon discovered that wasn’t helping anyone. What DID WORK was to step back and ask ourselves, “What is he asking for, and how can we meet this need and his need for a good night’s sleep?” Our new son, just wanted to be with us, so we created a routine that gave us a wonderful bonding time and had him asleep quickly and easily. First, for a period of time, we changed the environment, and moved the routine to our room. Then we spent time holding him and rocking him in our dark room while listening to music. Finally, before he fell asleep, we put him to bed in our bed, and moved him after awhile (eventually skipping our bed and putting him directly in his bed). This short-term solution was all about connecting and calming. In the same way, instead of continuing to do what isn’t working, we can take a step back and look at what behaviors will most benefit our sleep, and in doing so create an environment that improves our sleep, while only making minor changes .

Great Sleep Menu:

Stop drinking caffeine early enough: This might mean drinking your last coffee before noon. According to neuroscientist and sleep expert, Matthew Walker, 12 hours after drinking caffeine a quarter of that caffeine is still in our brain!
Try to keep a consistent bedtime and time you wake: Our bodies like routines. Studies point out that whether it is a weekday or weekend, we should try to keep routines consistent.
Stop eating 3-4 hours before bed: No. You really don’t need a bedtime snack!
Avoid blue light in the evening: Many devices have an “evening mode”. There are also blue blocking glasses that can be purchased. Some even have lightbulbs that put off red hues.
Take a hot shower or use a sauna before bed: More on saunas here.
Add magnesium to your bedtime routine: I like these… here and here.
Track your sleep: There are no perfect devices, but if you are going to invest, look into the Oura Ring.
Add lavender: There are lavender lotions, bubble baths and sprays. How about combining a few tips with a hot bath, lavender bubbles and epsom salt (magnesium)?!
Keep your body temperature low: Besides having the air set really low try using a Chilipad! The quicker our bodies can shed heat, the quicker we can go to sleep, while staying cool will help us stay asleep through the night.
Make a no device rule (including TV) in the bedroom: Stopping using our devices an hour before bed will help even more. During this time do something calm and quiet like reading (from a real book) or a puzzle. In addition, do not make your bed a “work station”.
Use an eye mask and/or ear plugs: This is my favorite eye mask!
Avoid sleeping pills or alcohol: Alcohol sedates…that is not real sleep, so you miss out on the restorative sleep. In the same way, sleeping pills provide “junk sleep” by knocking out your cortex, says Walker. Many sleeping pills are dangerous, which has resulted in a black box warning label.
Get out of bed if you can’t sleep: Walker states, “You wouldn’t sit at a dinner table waiting to get hungry…The brain is such an associative device that it will very quickly build a connection between the bed and wakefulness.” Instead, get up and go to a quiet dark place that you have pre-set up in the house. With dimmed lights read a not-so-exciting book or do something relaxing, and then head to bed when you start to feel sleepy.
Naps are not for those who are struggling with insomnia: Just like snacking impacts our children’s hunger at dinner, napping reduces are ability to sleep through the night. The time to break this rule is if you are needing to do something that would be dangerous if you fell asleep (i.e. driving). In that case, 20-30 minutes is enough to be helpful.
Schedule “worry time” during the day: Keep the “worry time” far from bedtime, and maybe journal. Stop worrying about sleep. When we become obsessed about sleeping that effort becomes the enemy of sleep.

Sleep has a huge impact on out health and wellbeing! If you want more information on the importance of sleep, I would strongly recommend following Matthew Walker on social media or purchasing his book called “Why We Sleep”!

Some of the links provided give me small “kickbacks”, while not increasing your price.

Wendy Dellis is a certified wellness coach. She joins years of training and work in the area of behavior change, experience as a fitness instructor and run club coordinator with a passion for adventure and people. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jay, and two sons.

The information contained on this page is for general information purposes only. Nothing here should be construed as medical or healthcare advice, but only topics for discussion. No physician-patient relationship exists; please consult your physician before making changes in diet or lifestyle.