Goals That Fail Us...
Not all goals are the same. As we seek to find lasting health and wellness, we may know that goal setting is an important part of that process, but often our goals fall into one of two patterns that are likely to let us down:
1. Outcome Goals: These goals are a simple description on how we want things to look at the end of the process (I want to lose 15 pounds. I want want to fit into my skinny jeans. I want to run a marathon. I want to do 5 pull-ups.). Visualizing the "end" is an important starting point. but we can’t stop there. Outcomes are not in our control, but our behaviors are in our control! In addition, behaviors are easily trackable on a daily basis, and track-ability impacts success.
Instead...of saying, "I want to sleep 8 hours per night." Describe the behaviors, "I will create a calming pre-sleep routine and start it 30 minutes before bedtime."
Write a powerful behavior goal by visualizing your dream of future health, relating it to the needed skills, and then writing down a behavior or two that help build those skills...act and repeat.
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2. Avoidance Goals: Although they seem simple and easy to follow, avoidance goals are psychologically counterproductive, and are a set up for failure. Our natural instinct is to resist being told what to do, and we are likely to get stuck thinking obsessively, "I can't. I shouldn't. I really want to..." Also, even the smallest slip up will have us quitting (more on setbacks here). Our avoidance goals (I will stop...drinking soda...eating junk food...smoking) can be turned into approach goals. Quietly, and yet successfully, approach goals pull us toward something desirable and achievable, by focusing on the positive.
Instead... of saying, "I will stop snacking on junk food." Describe the positive replacement behaviors, "The day I buy veggies, I will cut them up, so they are ready for snacking."
Write an influential approach goal by identifying a “bad” habit you want to avoid, and then connecting it to a replacement habit or two. In addition, try writing down the benefits the approach goal will provide. Start simple, find what works, and repeat. Overtime, more replacement habits can be added.
Feeling overwhelmed?!?
Before we wrap up, I want to encourage those that are feeling overwhelmed, because I know that this narrative often wants to become a part of our identity, and when it does, it has a hugely negative impact on our wellbeing! According to Ramit Sethi, "People who are overwhelmed love to talk about how they’re overwhelmed. Interestingly, most people who claim they’re overwhelmed have never seriously sat down for even 10 minutes and developed a plan to stop feeling that way. In many ways, they become addicted to the feeling of overwhelm, especially since it elicits so much sympathy from others."
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In addition, it is contagious. If we truly are "the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with", how are we impacting others? How are we being impacted? Taking a small amount of time to think through our wellness goals will help us start to get beyond being overwhelmed and stuck talking about how our lives are crazy, busy, or out of control. "Behavior" and "Approach" Goals are just the place to start!
How about using the power of accountability by teaming up with a friend and supporting each other in starting this adventure toward greater health and wellness!?!
Working with a wellness coach is a great way to break through these common feelings of being overwhelmed. I would love to work with you or you and a friend on developing a plan! For more information on wellness coaching click here.
“Beneath anything we want to accomplish is something we want to feel.”
Enjoy The Journey...
When we focus on behaviors that are positive and in our control, we end up with a simple, elegant, action-inspiring blueprint for health and wellness, instead of becoming frustrated and overwhelmed. We have an opportunity to enjoy the growth and success, while managing the disappointments and frustrations.
What feeling are you fueling?! Use these strategies to change your destination and how you feel getting there.
Wendy Dellis is a certified wellness coach. She joins years of training and work in the area of behavior change, experience as a fitness instructor and run club coordinator with a passion for adventure and people. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jay, and two sons.
The information contained on this page is for general information purposes only. Nothing here should be construed as medical or healthcare advice, but only topics for discussion. No physician-patient relationship exists; please consult your physician before making changes in diet or lifestyle.