New habits are often very fickle. Even when we have taken the time to establish a solid foundation by creating a vivid picture of our goal and are using our 3 R's- Relating, Repeating, and Reframing (For more on this go here.), we are bound to run into setbacks.
Sometimes I have panic attacks when driving. In the late 90's I totaled my car on a bridge, while carpooling to work. All these years later, it still impacts me. The panic will often seem to come from nowhere....heart racing, palms sweating, the feel of impending doom!! One thing has changed, though; I am no longer startled by panic's sudden appearance, and I know how to respond. I greet it as though it is an unwelcome guest. Simply stated, I acknowledge them with low energy, reminding myself that even though in this moment it feels like they will stay forever, if I don't feed them, they are more likely to leave sooner. If I am not startled (Hello, I remember you), but instead become a curious observer of the situation (This is interesting. What is in my control? What is my plan?), I am much better at navigating the road.
Photo by Johannes Hofmann on Unsplash
Why did I bring this up? This kind of response is really helpful in other situation, including when we have setbacks on our road to health. Instead of being surprised by the setbacks, expect them, and when they show up, acknowledge them, "Hello, Setback, I've been expecting you" and then review your plan that is built around what you can control....
Common to most if not all is the "I-Failed-So-I-Give-Up" moment (otherwise known as "Why try?!" "Nothing works." or "This is just the way I am" moment). A scientific take on this phenomenon explains that we are likely to abandon ship with a new habit at the first slip-up, when we respond with guilt and shame. The researchers discovered that a more effective response focuses on self-compassion and normalizing the setback (more on self-compassion here). And then asking ourselves "Where do I have a measure of control?"
Setbacks are an opportunity to examine our life. Author and speaker Ramit Sethi has explained how he improved his gym attendance by finding where things would slip:
"My closet was in another room. That meant I had to walk out in the cold [to] put on my clothes. It was easier to just stay in bed. Once I realized this, I folded my clothes and shoes the night before. When I woke up the next morning, I would roll over and see my gym clothes sitting on the floor. The result? My gym attendance soared by over 300%."
When we slip up, instead of quitting in our pursuit of our wellness goal, lets step back and study the situation, and then identify where we can exert control over our choices and actions with an eye on what is valuable to us and our wellbeing.
As described by Joshua Foer, the "Okay Plateau" leads to setbacks, too. We've been told that practice makes perfect, but according to Foer, that is not the case. He uses the example of learning to type: at first when we start we are sloppy, then we improve, and ultimately we stop improving....we hit a plateau. In the 1960's scientists described the three phases we go through when we are learning a new skill:
1. Cognitive Phase: We are discovering new strategies and consciously focusing on what we are doing.
2. Associative Phase: We make fewer errors and are getting better.
3. Autonomous Phase: We find ourselves satisfied with how we are doing and we go on autopilot.
Autopilot is usually a good thing (see KISS blog for more on this here), because we are better off having the routine stuff of life running in the background; it frees up band with so that we can focus on what matters in life. When this happens with gaining a new skill, such as in building a habit, he calls it the "Okay Plateau". We all reach an "Okay Plateau" in about everything we learn to do. Contrary to what scientists used to think these plateaus are not the result of innate ability, but are more about psychological factors (what we think is an acceptable level of performance). Cognitive Psychology is a field of study that looks at how people get good at what they do, and they found there are generalizable principles built around using strategies to stay out of the autonomous stage with whatever skill we are trying to develop.
Principles for Overcoming "Okay Plateaus":
1. Operate outside of our comfort zone and study ourself failing. Use deliberate practice.
2. Walk in the shoes of somebody who is more competent. Study someone who is much better at the skill. Break what they are doing apart and analyze.
3. Seek immediate and constant feedback.
4. Treat what we do like a science...collect data, analyze data, and create and test our theories.
As we challenge ourselves in our pursuit of our wellness dream through deliberately focusing on spending time in the cognitive phase, we will make progress and experience the intrinsic rewards that fuel our ability to progress toward increased joy and wellbeing. This involve not just being a "dabbler" in an area of interest, but stretching ourselves to become better and better at that healthy activity. Prioritize, to avoid burnout, and embrace the challenge!
Photo by Mikito Tateisi on Unsplash
What we've learned from psychology helps us respond in an emotionally more effective manner (instead of being startled and upset by a setback, we anticipate) and identify where we have control (and what is truly important to us), and then we apply the four key principles for overcoming our plateaus and staying on the road toward our destination.
Wendy Dellis is a certified wellness coach. She joins years of training and work in the area of behavior change, experience as a fitness instructor and run club coordinator with a passion for adventure and people. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jay, and two sons.
The information contained on this page is for general information purposes only. Nothing here should be construed as medical or healthcare advice, but only topics for discussion. No physician-patient relationship exists; please consult your physician before making changes in diet or lifestyle.