Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the struggles? Finding yourself “waiting for another shoe to drop”?! You too?! Come sit next to me; I’ll pour you a coffee. I know we can’t solve each others’ problems, but maybe we can remind each other that we are loved and valued. Even if you aren’t convinced, if you would, could you remind me of these things I believe…
We Actually Aren’t Strong Enough:
My delusion of strength is more than wrong it is dangerous; it keeps me from recognizing my need. Tripp tells me our weaknesses are not “impediments to the good life…or the danger to be feared” but instead they are “the doorway to real power”, power that’s only found in transforming grace, and this transforming grace is found in a person, and He, Jesus Christ, gives me a hope “in life and death”.
Wendy, you want to…
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Acknowledge your weaknesses and need for grace.
Know that your suffering often is not about being corrected, but it can help reveal weaknesses.
Consider the benefits of facing your failures and weaknesses.
Embrace your hope found in Jesus!
Your Narratives Might Be Wrong:
We are designed to be pattern finders. Sometimes the patterns I discover, though, are not real, but I convince myself that something bad is going to happened based on these made up patterns. If I analyze it, they can stretch to the point of thinking, “I was really nervous about the possibility of getting that diagnosis, and I didn’t get it, so my nervousness kept it away.” I might also come to wrong conclusions about the source of my struggles. I remember my grandma being told “if she just had enough faith she could be healed from MS.” In our desire for relief, we might conclude all kinds of incorrect notions. We need to remember that feelings are not always trustworthy. This is not forcing ourselves to feel a certain way, but rather questioning our thoughts, feelings and premises about our suffering.
Wendy, you want to…
Recognize that you are a pattern finder.
Remember that there are “patterns” that are faulty.
Weep if you need to weep! Don’t deny feelings.
Talk back to the old false narratives, saying “Will you re-write this narrative?”
We Really Can’t Do It Alone:
Disconnection breeds all kinds of trouble. We are “hardwired for love, so everything we decide, desire, think, say, and do is an expression of love for someone or something.” states Paul David Tripp in “New Morning Mercies”. When our all-encompassing-focus is on healing our wounds or trying to feel complete/better, our resolve changes from loving well to feeling well, and we become dry bones in the desert.
Recently I heard Johann Hari on TEDGlobalLondon put it this way: “Human beings have a natural and innate need to bond, and when we're happy and healthy, we'll bond and connect with each other, but if we can't do that, because we’re traumatized or isolated or beaten down by life, we will bond with something that will give us some sense of relief. Now, that might be gambling, that might be pornography, that might be cocaine, that might be cannabis, but we will bond and connect with something because that's our nature. That's what we want as human beings.”
“Don’t spend your life hiding under the bleachers!”
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Wendy, you want to…
Work to Build face-to-face meaningful connections (your tribe).
Be vulnerable and accept the love and support of your trusted tribe.
When a friend is struggling, instead of saying “Let me know how I can help” show up and be present. Maybe try saying something like “I am going to…let me know if there is something else that would be more helpful.”
When you are struggling, do everything you can to crawl out from under that rock and show care and compassion for someone else. You will both benefit!
Some Gifts Are Only Found In The Difficulties:
In Western culture, built on finding the life that makes us the most happy, suffering can have no meaningful part; suffering is a complete interruption. In contrast though, fullness and joy comes often through suffering not just in spite of it. According to Timothy Keller in his best selling book, there is “a peculiar, rich and poignant joy that seems to come to us only through and in suffering…contra fatalism, suffering is overwhelming; contra Buddhism, suffering is real; contra karma, suffering is often unfair; but contra secularism, suffering is meaningful. there is a purpose to it, and if faced rightly, it can drive us like a nail deep into the love of God and into more stability and spiritual power than you can imagine.” Keller’s book is full of people’s stories of tremendous suffering. What stands out is that, although they would have done anything to avoid this adversity, they ultimately found it “a crucial part of a good life.”
Wendy, you want to…
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“Live for meaning” instead of “living for happiness”.
Remember that when your “first thing” is God your “first thing” can never be taken away.
Remember that suffering has a purpose and it is allowed in my life out of love.
“I want to learn from the elders that have scars.”