I really don't have great willpower, in fact, put a flourless chocolate cake in front of me and I can do some serious damage, but I have found strategies that have made a big difference in my getting habits to stick (while avoiding a chocolate-cake-gut-ache). According to the author’s of “Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success”, personal motivation can be summed up in one sentence, “Love what you what you hate.” When we associate positive emotions with our desired behavior we are more likely to keep that behavior as a long-term habit! Here are some key ways to use positive emotions to get desired behaviors to stick.

Find Your “Positive Why”:

The first step that people easily skip when thinking about building a certain habit is they don't clearly answer WHY they want the change to occur. It may seem like a small detail, but it plays a huge role in keeping our motivation up over time. Dr. Rapheal Levey, founder of the Global Medical Forum, found among heart-bypass patients, nine out of ten fail to make the changes that would save their lives. Even under the threat of death we are unlikely to change! Keeping Levey's findings in mind, our WHY will not serve us well if it is fear based and about trying to avoid a seemingly far off illness. To answer WHY we should start by visualizing the place we want to be in the near future and the steps to getting there. This includes both outcome and process simulation, and requires taking time to really think through our destination, speak to our emotions and plan the route!

For more details on outcome and process simulation check out this blog post (here).

Once we have created a vivid picture of where we want to go, we are ready to apply the next strategies. Alan Deutschman, who wrote Change or Die, believes that the 3 ways we usually try to tackle change – Fear, Facts and Force – do not work. He argues that Relating, Repeating and Reframing are the keys to real transformation.

Find Your “Positive People”:

1. Relating: Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step recovery programs have found this ingredient to be crucial. Deutschman discovered that "a relationship with a person or group who inspires us, believes in us, and leads the way" is the single most important ingredient in successful change. Creating a "team" can take on many forms, but as Kerry Patterson et al in Change Anything encourages, we need to know the difference between our friends and our accomplices when it comes to achieving our goals. Surrounding ourselves with supportive encouraging people (i.e a wellness coach, swim club) is crucial for success!

Find Your “Positive Patterns”:

2. Repeating: Learning and practicing new ways of being is the next step. By embracing opportunities to expand our knowledge and then setting up routines and rituals that allow us to practice what we are learning, we are feeding our dream, while moving from a fantasy to a meaningful goal.

"People who are good at self-control … seem to be structuring their lives in a way to avoid having to make a self-control decision in the first place,” psychologist Brian Galla states. Structuring our life helps make it easier to accomplishing our goals, not because of willpower, but because the routine makes it easier.

For more on routines and rituals check out this blog post (here).

Find Your “Positivity Scan”:

3. Reframing: Think in a new way. Focus on the benefits of life and shift priorities. In Change or Die, Deutschmann, gives this example, instead of the “fear of dying” replace it with the “joy of living...Joy is a more powerful motivator than fear." People who are better at self-control actually enjoy the activities some of us resist — like eating healthy, studying, or exercising. Engaging in these activities isn’t a chore for them. It’s fun.

At a recent workshop I attended, Dr. L. Read Sulik, MD talked about the benefits of a “Positivity Scan”. When we intentionally notice and focus on our positive experiences and positive emotions during a desired behavior we are more likely to continue to engage in that behavior, and replace a very well-developed bad habit with a difficult and/or uncomfortable and yet beneficial habit. A “Positivity Scan” includes both ANTICIPATING the positive emotions and practicing SCANNING in-the-moment for those positive emotions. Try pausing, observing and reflecting on your positive emotions (joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, wonder, love…); it will make a difference.

Find Your “Positive Goals”:

"Want-to goals" are easier to pursue, they feel more effortless. and lead to experiences of fewer temptations. If we’re running because we “have to” get in shape but find running to be a miserable activity, we’re unlikely to sustain running. It seems obvious, but we need reminding, we aren't going to stick with an activity that we don't enjoy, so we either need to "learn to love what we hate" (which as we just read is possible) or "do what we love".

I can't help but think about the classic study on self-control. During Walter Mischel’s “marshmallow test,” kids were told they could either eat one marshmallow sitting in front of them immediately or eat two later. The ability to resist the immediate gratification was found to correlate with all sorts of positive life outcomes ranging from SAT scores to BMIs. Turns out the kids who were best at the test weren’t necessarily intrinsically better at resisting temptation. They had employed a critical strategy. According to Mischel, the crucial factor in delaying gratification is the ability to change our perception of the object or action we want to resist,” The kids who avoided eating the first marshmallow would find ways not to look at the treat, or imagine it as something else. In the same way we can reframe our temptations in order to successfully change our habits.

Willpower is over-rated! Once we’ve refocused on the positives, we are much more likely to stick with a desired behavior.

This is an updated version of a past blog.

Wendy Dellis is a certified wellness coach. She joins years of training and work in the area of behavior change, experience as a fitness instructor and run club coordinator with a passion for adventure and people. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jay, and two sons.

The information contained on this page is for general information purposes only. Nothing here should be construed as medical or healthcare advice, but only topics for discussion. No physician-patient relationship exists; please consult your physician before making changes in diet or lifestyle.